Disordered
by owlhipster
Summary: Adam's lifestyle starts to affect Sauil


I stepped on the scale and got off. I jotted the number down in brown-bound leather notebook and got dressed. Sauli called me down stairs to have breakfast.. As I made my way downstairs, the aroma of oatmeal waffles filled the air. My mouth started to water, but "Don't eat," a voice whispered in my head. Sauli put a plate in front of me, "I made then just for you! It's my mom's recipe." He told me as he took a bite out of the waffles. I pushed the plate away from me and looked at him. "I'm not hungry," the words came out of my mouth dryly. "I'm starving, I want to eat it all. it looks so wonderful." My stomach is telling me. Sauli smile twists into a frown. "You just woke up…You need to eat." My laugh is loud and fake, "I ate upstairs." He turns away and puts it into the fridge. I escape and run into the garage. I'm tired and my stomach is grumbling, I realize. No, I'm not I do not need to eat, now maybe later. I get a notification from my phone, "Band practice at 10, don't forget." In the LA traffic I know I will be late if I don't go now. I start the car and press the pedal with all my energy, until it starts. The car starts to move, and I start my way to the studio. Tommy opens the door for me, because I kept pulling, when it said pull. The studio looks much different today, it looks more lavish. We walk into the recording booth, Ashley is sitting on the couch. "Shall we practice until noon and then have lunch?" she suggested. Tommy takes a while to think, "That is a wonderful idea. Whatya think Adam?" I nod, I am their boss, and I wouldn't deprive them from lunch just because I don't want to eat. We start with a few warm ups, or at least I do. Recording starts, but my voice isn't working my throat is drier than the Sahara. I need something to drink. Tommy speaks through the mike, "Do you need water, Adam?" I nod and get out of the booth, my legs are tried from carrying my weight. Tommy hands me a glass of water, I contemplate whether I should drink it all or just take a sip. I take the glass and chug it down. I can feel it rushing down my throat and into my stomach. I try to record again, it's not my best but it's much, much smoother. We try a couple of songs, maybe 20. Again and Again until Tommy's hand starts bleeding and my throat is aching. "You both go to lunch, I'll go clean up and join you." Tommy says. I have Ashley by my side as I walk to the cafeteria. Ashley is talking about how much she's excited for her first worldwide tour. When we both order a salad, but she orders hers with chicken, mine is plain. I crunch through the lettuce as Tommy joins us and notices how baggy my pants are. "They're a size to big. I bought them like that." I reply to his comment. "I don't know Adam, you have lost weight since you started jogging around with Sauli." I don't say anything and keep eating my salad. It's one now and lunch is over and we continue recording until my throat is soar and it's getting dark outside. When I arrive at home, I feel empty and awful. I unlock the door to the house and hear Sauli rushing to greet me. Sauli wraps his arms around me, it takes all my strength to have him hug me. He slides his cold hands under my shirt then, the warm smile on his face turns into a shock. "What's wrong?" I ask. He looks as if he's just seen a ghost, "I…I..Can feel your backbone. Take off your shirt now." Everything went into panic mode, I stood in shock and stayed quite. The fact is eyes reveal everything about us, I didn't have to say anything for Sauli to find out that something was wrong. Then something filled the air making us forget what happened, Sauli just walked away. Something in me just broke, just by him walking away. It's not like he did not know what was happening, he knew exactly what was happening he just didn't want to face it. He was scared that he was going to lose me. "Do you know what's it like to be me?" I yelled angrily at him even though he was half way up stairs. He looked back at me with his a sick look. "You don't even care about anyone but yourself…" He lied through his tears and teeth. I clenched my jaw and walked into the living room, there I unlocked the closet and got my gun. Sauli ran into the room, he knew. "You are insane Adam, put it down I swear pull the trigger and I'lll….I'll." He stopped, he knew that the last string has finally broken. He ran towards me, twisted my hand and kissed me. He started to cry, "Adam, please don't. You have family, fans and friends who care about you." He wiped his into the leather of my jacket. "It's a good thing I didn't wear the ones with spikes. That would've been painful." I dropped the gun on the floor, I might have accidentally pulled the trigger and shot a bullet through the ceiling. Sauli jumped in fear and he stopped crying. He took off my jacket then slowly off my shirt. He had a sighed a sigh of relief when he realizes that he could only feel my bones not see them. I sat down on the couch and he sat right next to me, I take off his shirt and run my hands down his chest. Sauli is perfect, his blonde hair looking like whipped cream. His skin bronzed and tanned with the help of the sun. His tattoos that cover him like intricate art. "Would you have pulled the trigger, if I wasn't there to save you?" Sauli asked. The first thought that went through my head was Sauli not finding someone else after I was gone. "I couldn't. The thought of leaving you alone and broken hearted hurts my head and kills my soul." Sauli took his gaze off the vase in the middle of the table and looked at me. "You're already dead. You don't love anymore, you have become obsessed with the thoughts and voices in your head and locked us all out. I knew from the first day Adam, something clicked in your mind and you were just set. You need help to become alive again." Sauli moved closer and kissed my lips lightly. "There is blood gushing through my veins. My brain is still conscious," I retort. He slides onto my lap and kisses my neck. "You may be conscious, you may be breathing but your soul on the inside is dead." He says while I slide off his jeans. "Losing weight isn't killing my soul." I tell him. "You aren't concentrating on anything but it. Adam it's noticeable. It's your obsession. You only care about the numbers on the scale because you think it defines you. Your obsession used to be singing, just pouring your heart out to the music. That helped others feel your pain, do you know how many lives you've saved?" We start to make-out, were just skin to skin now. Ugh, philosophic Sauli just turns me on so much. He's trying to help me but instead we fuck.


End file.
